How to write something

One. Sit down. On a chair, a sofa or on the floor. Pick up a pen or a crayon. Find a piece of blank paper. Let the blankness of the page and the range of possibilities its emptiness brings intimidate you. Get up. Make yourself a cup of tea. Eat a cookie. Or three. Light a cigarette.

Two. After failing to distract yourself, return to the sofa. Find another blank page, because the wind blew away your first one. Now write a sentence. Cross it out immediately after; it sucks. Now pick up your paper and find another place to sit because people in the room are talking.

Three. Sit down again. Bend over your piece of paper. Wince at how blunt your pencil is. Write a whole paragraph at once. Wince at how the protagonist in your story resembles yourself so much.

Four. Stop wincing. Throw away your paper. Write something else. This time it turns out better than anything you could've imagined. Admire your talent for writing. Imagine how wonderful this would look published as a book. Think about what your book launch event would be like.

Five. Read your writing once again. Spend a whole five minutes laughing at how absolutely humorous this piece is. Read it out loud to yourself. Twice. Then read it out loud to everyone else in the house. Realize that no one else finds it funny in the least. Tear the paper up and throw your writing away. It was terrible anyway. Tell yourself you knew that all along.

Six. Plant yourself on that chair again. Pick up another pencil. Make yourself another cup of tea. And write once more, because you know deep down that there is really no other way to write.

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This piece (not sure whether to call it poetry, prose or neither) has been inspired by several, fairly recent, failed attempts to write stuff. It might also have been somewhat inspired by this.
Do let me know about your thoughts in the comments! :)